Monday, November 3, 2014
Some Relationship Thoughts
Some relationships will be blessings, others will serve as lessons - either way, never regret knowing someone. Everyone you encounter teaches you something important. Some people will test you, some will use you, and some will teach you; but most importantly some will bring out the best in you. Read the handout given in class on this topic from Google's Positive Thoughts and respond.
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Relationships are all so different. Some are great and others are terrible. Some help you and others hinder you. Some relationships lead to great things, such as marriage, and others lead to nothing. All relationships are important, and no matter what, it is important to be courageous enough to be kind to whoever is out in your path.
ReplyDeleteI am a strong believer in the saying that "everything happens for a reason." It is not a coincidence that you meet a person. They taught you something, whether you realize it or not. It can be both good and bad, but not everything in life can be pleasant. The bad people do, in fact, make the good relationships seem amazing.
Last year, I was in Latin II. We had the biggest variety of people in that class, ranging from the most to the least popular kids in school. Almost everybody in that class misbehaved, and it was hard for us to do anything. The whole year was a mess, but our teacher tried her best to keep everyone concentrated. She wanted to teach us a lesson, which is the same lesson that is in this article: everyone was in that classroom for a reason, and no matter how much she disliked teaching our horrible class, she made the best out of our time together. She always told us that she was still trying to figure out why God put us together, but it was making her stronger in some way.
Another point on this writing that really stuck out to me was the point made about removing people from your heart. It could be a person who will not come back around, or a toxic person who is doing you absolutely no good. Regardless of the situation, it is one of the hardest things to do. Every memory that you once had with that person seems to be shattered. Even if you see the individual every once in a while, a simple "hello," might be forced.
This happened to me in a few ways. The most drastic way for me is the death of a friend. My grandpa and great uncle both died in the past years, and I did not take it lightly. I had a very hard time accepting the fact that they were torn away from my life. When my grandpa died, I did not go to school for a few days because I could not understand why the world kept going, even though the it was stopped in my mind. "It gets better," everyone told me, but I did not believe them. As usual, time heals just about anything, and I have accepted it now.
Another hard thing to deal with is losing a friend that is still around, but is putting no effort into the relationship, even though you are. I have a cousin who was my best friend a few years ago. We were always at each other's houses and we could tell each other anything. We went to different high schools and she never wants to hang out with me anymore. When we see each other, we say "hello," but it means nothing. It is just hard to remember what was once there, but is no longer. She will come back around soon, however, because family always does.
Through hard times like these, it is easy to see who is there for you. Friends at school who you will see all of the time after graduation and who you will never see after a few years are usually very kind. These people are great milestones who will get you through the time being and who will always be remembered. There are also the people who will always be there for you, and as hard as it is to see it at times. These people are in your family. A fight with a sibling might make you hate them for an hour, but they will always want what is best for you. Family is important and it is a good idea to keep them close by.
In all, relationships are important because they make you who you are. A little piece is taken from each relationship to build you up, or tear you down. It is important to cherish all relationships, and find the reason for everyone in your life because life without them would be boring.
Grace, I know how you feel when you hear "It does get better." I do not care what anyone says, but "it will get better," and "everything happens for a reason," are the last things you should tell people who are dealing with something traumatic in their lives. At that moment in time it feels like the world is crashing down and you are just so confused and upset, thinking there is no possible way it can ever be alright. Eventually though, it turns out to be for the best and you realize that everything did happen for a reason and it does get better. It is funny how the world works like that.
DeleteI completely agree with you, especially on the aspect of death although most people would disagree a cat could have such an impact on a life, I had my cat Pumpkin for almost eleven years before death separated us. I thought our friendship was over just because she was not psychically with me, but my aunt and I went to a shopping trip in Buffalo, and this lady sitting next to me said, "I see a cat spirit with you. She wants you to know she loves you very much and you will see each other again someday." Although some people may think this lays was a loon and it was not possible, I will disagree until the day I die. She told me that in a time I needed to hear it and it was days after I had lost my cat.
DeleteWhen times are tough, some people bail on a friendship. It is hard to remain by someone's side when they are going through a tough time because the friendship is no longer joyful. The joy is replaced by sadness or anger, and it becomes hard to stick with someone who they are consumed by these feelings. However, some people become closer when these things happen. The pain and sadness draw them closer together, and they help each other overcome trials and tribulations.
ReplyDeleteI can easily relate to this part of friendship. When I lost my hearing, the world was removed from me, and it took an effort to connect myself with it. Some people did not understand what was happening, and grew frustrated with me. They began to think that I was ignoring them when the reality was that I simply could not hear them speaking at all. Only a few close friends knew what was really going on. They remained by my side as I slowly spiraled towards complete silence. They did not abandon me when I needed them most, and this shows how much our friendship mattered to them. I know that it was hard for them, and that makes their efforts even more special. It is not easy to comfort someone who has lost something incomprehensible. It is even harder to deal with someone who has a communication barrier. Repeating oneself four or even five times is degraded both to the person expressing themselves and to the person trying to comprehend the other. Despite these trials, they never gave up on me. They persevered, and were patient during this terrible time in my life. I believe that our friendship is stronger than it was before just because they never gave up.
Another person who was influenced by this time in my life was my boyfriend. Our long distance relationship had just started when these events took place, and such relationships easily end when they become too hard. However, my boyfriend did not give up on me. He was there for me when I broke down, and listened as I described the loss I was trying to overcome. At any time of the day or night, he was there. He knew that I was suffering, and he wanted desperately to change that. A vivid memory I hold on to was a late night phone call. After describing the burden of my day, he said "I would give you my hearing if I could." I'll never forget those words. Our relationship mattered enough to him that he would go beyond simply not giving up. More than just passively waiting out the problems, he wanted to change them for the better. He was willing to indulge in the impossible to try and make me happy again.
Friendships show who truly cares about a person and their happiness. When the smiles disappear, so do certain types of people. A true friend will be there for someone when they are not pleasant to be around. Their actions strengthen the relationship, and forge a strong bond out of the suffering and misery. Friends are revealed by struggles, not vanquished by them.
Some people are afraid that they are not able to handle a difficult situation when it is present to them, but others realize how important it is to be a friend when something difficult is happening. Sometimes, friends are the only people you can truly rely on for any sort of situation and there is just a physical and mental need to have them by your side. When times get tough too, you learn who your real friends are, because there are two types of people: the ones who really care and the ones who are there for information. We are the people who choose who to trust and who to let go of and at so many times it can be blinded by ones inability to see a person for who they truly are. We have to make the choice.
DeleteWhen contemplating the points made in this reading, I realized that I - like most people - have experienced nearly all of them. I have also had my share of relationships, both good and bad. Through the bad relationships, I have learned more about others and what makes them a true friend, as well as about myself, and exactly how I must work to maintain my own friendships.
ReplyDelete"A person can say sorry a thousand times, but if they're not going to prove that the things they say are true, then they're not worth listening to." I can relate with this statement very personally, as it pertains to a variety of my past relationships. Freshman year, for example, I was very close friends with another girl. We talked every day, and hung out together quite a bit. However, when other people, often upper classmen, would join us, she failed to so much as acknowledge my presence. I would simply sit there, feeling awkward and alone, as I was not close with many of these other students. Eventually, I spoke with her about it, and she apologized, promising that she would include me from then on. However, each time, I was left out again and again. I continuously brought it up in our conversations, and each time she said the same thing - "I'm sorry, I'll do better." After a while, I needed to accept the fact that she simply did not care enough to change. These other girls were obviously more important to her, and I decided that I needed to make friendships with people who would actually make an effort. Regardless of the amount of times she apologized, she did not change her ways, proving that her words were not sincere.
On the other hand, I have also been fortunate enough to make relationships with people who have stayed with me, and really shown that they are there for me. I also relate with the statements, "When you are up in life, your friends get to know who you are. When you are down in life, you get to know who your true friends are." Just last year, something had happened in my life, and I was having a very hard time with it. I only spoke to a few people about it, one of them being my friend, Rachel. I told her about how upset I was, and that I had not stopped crying for quite some time. She listened, and she understood how upset I was. One night, I was sitting at home when I heard a knock at the door. I went to answer it, and I saw that it was Rachel. She stood there with outstretched arms and the new CD of our favorite band that had just come out. I cannot describe how it felt to have her there that night. It was such a simple act, but her simply coming to see me, to let me know that she cared, was enough to cheer me up. It was not so much the CD, but her presence that made it all okay that night. Now, my friends and I have made it sort of a "tradition." Whenever one of us is going through a hard time, the rest of us go out to the grocery store and buy tons of junk food, bringing it to their house and letting them know that we are there for them. It is so important to have friendships such as those, and to maintain them. One cannot expect someone to be there for them in their time of need if they do not plan on returning the favor.
Friendship does not arise from the actions of one person. Each person must put effort into the relationship for it to be meaningful. The happiness provides by each person allows the friendship to remain strong and become stronger. When one person does not make an effort to build up the relationship, the friendship collapses. The combined actions of the two individuals creates and maintains the friendship they initiated.
DeleteFriendships are often dissolved when one person begins to neglect the other. This neglect can occur because of a lack of interest or even simple fickleness. Some people are not content with having a few close friends, and must gather as many friends as possible. They establish relationships with whoever has the most popularity in order to expand their circle of friends. This behavior is common among teenagers who feel the need to be well liked by everyone. When one person leaves a friendship to become friends with someone who is more popular, the other person is left with a feeling of loss and inadequacy.
When someone decides that a friendship is not important, they turn their back on the other person. Despite everything the two friends overcame, something drove them apart. Losing a friend this way is hard, and can leave someone feeling confused. The feelings they have are not pleasant ones, and can lead to distrust in future relationships. This distrust can damage future relationships as well. The new friends that are made will not be trusted because of the mistakes of the previous friend. However, when new friends become true friends, this distrust can be forgotten. A true friend will not abandon someone. They will resolve their differences and continue moving forward.
Friendships are hard to create and easy to lose. When both friends do not commit themselves to their friendship, they will lose it. Losing a friend is hard, and does not always occur for appropriate reasons. The reasons given can be hard to accept and may not make sense to the friend who has been left. When someone loses a friend, they lose their self confidence as well. True friends will not allow these things to happen, and will not abandon each other.
I know I have had to cut people from my life too. As much as you want to keep a friendship, sometimes it isn't good for either of you. What Rachel did to cheer you up is so thoughtful! It sounds like she made more of an effect on you than the other girl did in years of friendship. I think that's how you know that someone is a good friend and cares about you: they go the extra mile. That sounds like an awesome tradition to keep going, and I think that friends that stick together in hard times are the ones that are going to stick together for a long time.
DeleteMary, I know exactly how you feel. I was in the same situation as you were. I thought that this friend and I were close, but that was until we were around a group of people who I was unfamiliar with or even a group I was. When we were in these groups I was often excluded from the conversions or completely left alone. It hurt a lot, but it made me realized we where I stood and that this was not a friendship I wanted to be involved with anymore. It hurts to lose a friend but like you said it helps us find who our true friends are.
DeleteThis is the truest thing i have ever read. Google just comes right out and tells me about the pros and cons about relationships. These are all thing I learned in the past about relationships. Even though I knew most of these statements from experience, it was nice to see it written by another person in order to show it wasn't just me who feels this way. I never regret being friends with people, I regret the way it turned out in the end.
ReplyDeleteWhen Google states about harsh words hurting more than physical pain is where it hits home with me. In this life, the "cool" thing to do is gossip and talk about people behind their backs. Without a doubt almost everyone does this wether you want to Amit it or not. When you find out people are talking about you behind your back, that's when it hurts. The worst is when it comes out of a persons mouth who you considered your best friend. This happened to me more than once. These leave the biggest scars that I am not willing to let go. I am a very clumsy people and get scratched up because of it. When those wounds turn into scars you can get over it because they are healed. When you get hurt by the words of someone, they never heal.
Google also has a good point about associating less with people who don't value your time as much as you value theirs. This is something I need to still put into prairie today with relationships. I need to realize that people who only want to talk to me when no one else is around is not good for me. That's when I need to put my foot down and tell them I don't need them in my life. They aren't worth it.
Google has so many good points in this article. This would have to be my favorite one yet because of all the truth behind it. If I would have read this sooner in my lifetime, a lot of pain and heartbreak could have been invisible. I can never go back and change the pass, if I could I would. But I will never regret it.
I agree! I think sometimes we think things are more valid when we know that other people believe them too. Many times, I don't want to let do what people have said to me too. It makes me mad and bitter when I think about it. I don't think I would change my past though, because it has made me the person I am today. But I wish I would have been a little smarter in my past and known to spot people like that sooner. It certainly would have saved me a lot of heartache!
DeleteGossiping and talking about people behind their backs are cruel ways to undermine trust and credibility. When people degrade each other, no one benefits. The terrible words that are said often reveal more about the one saying them than the subject of the talk. However, the victim bears the brunt of the pain.
DeleteEveryone has gossiped at some point in their lives. No matter how nice they seem, every person has faults. Many people gossip to shift public focus away from their mistakes and onto the mistakes of others. By pointing out other's flaws, they seem aloof and judgmental. However, they really feel insecure, and this is one reason they feel the need to point out other's flaws. When they find imperfections in other people, they no longer feel quite as insecure about themselves. This way of achieving self-confidence is horrible, and degrades their overall character.
The victim of gossip often loses self-esteem and trust in people. When other people constantly pick out their flaws, it is hard for the victim to feel good about themselves. They may even change their personality or behavior in order to lose the characteristics that are being gossiped about. When everyone talks about a person, the victim automatically distrusts them in the future. It is hard to forget when people made fun of someone, especially when they bring up the incident often. The victim will feel insecure and distrustful because they must constantly be ready for the moment someone decides to bring up the issue again.
Gossip hurts more than physical pain. The pain of being insecure is far more destructive than a punch in the face. When gossip spreads, friends turn out to be enemies, and the victim feels lost and confused. In order to stop this cruelty, people need to respect each other for who they are, and praise each other's talents. Kind words will build friendships, and gossip will destroy them.
Gossip...well I would like to say I have some experience with that, but I was on the receiving end. It really does hurt. So I agree with you there. It seems like the scars never heal. The worst is when I think the scar has healed, but then somebody comes with a very large knife and just rips it open. (By the way, that was a metaphor. Nobody has actually literally done this to me.) Past events that I just want to sweep under the rug end up being found by the wrong people. The past never really ever goes away, as much as I would like it to. The gossip still hurts, but I would like to think I have moved to a point where I really don't care anymore. I don't know if that is necessarily a good thing, but I guess that's the way things have gone.
Delete"But remember, no relationship is a waste of time. The wrong ones teach you the lessons that prepare you for the right ones."
ReplyDeleteEvery time I get mad at someone, I tell myself this. I try to realize the fact that I will encounter more people like them, and I mind as well get the experience dealing with them now since I will have to later anyway. Still, sometimes I get bitter. Why does something that seemed so good end so suddenly? I think about the way the relationship was formed. Was it off of convince? Did I really have a lot in common with the friend? Was it a friendship used for jealously? People using people maybe? There are lots of reasons friendships are formed. Just not all of them are good. But here I am today, and I am looking at my friendships of past. Truth be told, I have never really had a long friendship with somebody, or someone who I really cared about and told everything to. Sometimes, I think that is why some of my friendships have ended. They were people using people for convenience, and after that, there was nothing else to them. They would end in stupid fights over something, and that would be it. Today, I realize there is so much more to friendships and relationships than convince. You have to have a connection with somebody. If you don't have a connection, what is going to happen when the relationship isn't one of convenience and there is nothing left anymore? Of course, the friendship ends, and then you get bitter. But then you realize that it really wasn't a friendship in the first place. In the future, I learn to spot the signs of someone who really wants to be your friend. If the friendship starts off with people only talking to you to ask for help, and don't really want to associate with you outside of that, then they probably won't make a good friend. Its the same if you bond with someone over gossip. What will happen when there is no longer gossip to bond over? I have learned that those are the friendships and relationships you want to avoid.
When making friends today, I have learned to spot these things when trying to make new friends. I do regret that I did not learn to spot these qualities sooner, but sometimes it takes time before you know what you have to do. Even when I think about friendships, I get a little bitter. But I think about what the Google people say about taking friendships for experience to better yourself for a good relationship or friendship in the future, and I realize that they are right. Until then, I am holding on to what I have learned and preparing for new relationships in the future!
When making friends, it is important to notice how the relationship started. If someone needs something, they often make new friends for that purpose. Many innocent, gullible people are taken advantage of in this way. I like what you said about relationships that were lost, and was there ever anything to them in the first place. It might seem as though one lost a big part of them, but was the relationship that great if the one person simply left? Something better is in store, but patience is needed for this in order to accept the fact that waiting must occur before happiness. It will come around, but not at the moment. My mom always talks about her friends when they were little, and she has the same friends today as she did when she was growing up. I think that that is awesome, and I hope that I can make some long-term friendships sometime.
DeleteRelationships with others have always been my week point. I'm not the type of person to wear my heart on my sleeve, and many times people do not know how I feel about them. I have a hard time making and keeping friends, which is why I have always preferred to be on my own. In elementary school, I had a very small class. Because there were only three other girls that I didn't get along with, I was often alone. In middle school, I had my set of "best friends", and that did not really work out well. Once again, I was left on my own. As a result, I started to hate people, thinking everyone was as mean and callous as the people I had bad experiences with. I did not trust anyone and I was very lonely. It took me until high school to come into contact with someone who changed my outlook about people. It sounds very cliche but meeting Tony changed my outlook on people. He is always optimistic and forgiving so he gives me a different perspective on people.
ReplyDeleteThis article points out a fact that I have come to think about more and more. Each person you meet does affect you in some way. Even a person that you meet only a handful of times still changes your life. In my own opinion, I think that we learn
Lately in my life, I have found myself becoming more and more attached to people. I often find myself looking at people and thinking, "What am I going to do without them next year? How am I going to leave this person behind?" It's hard to let even the smallest people behind because they shape us into the people we are. In my own opinion, I think the people that we don't necessarily teach us more about ourselves than some of our friends. I had a falling out with one of my best friends about a year ago and that experience has taught me more about myself than I ever could've imagined. It brought forth many qualities that I did not like about myself and worked very hard to change. I think that each person crosses our path for a reason and that we should learn something from everyone. I really enjoyed the article because it brings many good points across about how valuable relationships truly are.
I have some of the same problems with showing people how I really feel about them, Abbey. It is hard for me to make friends that last, or friends that I can hang out with outside of school. I have a few cousins that I am always with, but I like it like that. I would rather be at home than be out partying with random people that I never met before. It is hard for me to be social, and if it was not for high school, I would not know anybody! When I do make friends, however, I cannot let them go. It was very hard for me to see my best friends go to Ridgway for high school instead of Elk County Catholic. The seniors that were on my soccer team are going to be missed greatly next year when they move on. It will be different, and change is not my thing. It is important to remember the good things that the relationship brought to you, and use it to help other people.
DeleteAbbey, I went though the same problems you did, I could never stay with a group of friends for a long period of time becuase I started to see their true colors. I knew those weren't the best people for me. In middle school, I made 3 of my very close friends. When I decided to transfer, they hated me for it and it maked me very sad becuase they ment a lot to me and I really though we would stay friends even though I transfered. We talk ever so often and it'll never be the same. Being friends and being able to trust them full is something that takes time for me. The more I learn about the persons true colors, makes me trust them more, or less.
DeleteGoogle's positive thought could not any closer to the truth. We all undergo relationships with various people. Some we believe will end short and some we think will last forever. But these thoughts do not control the future. We cannot decipher who will be there for us when we need it most or who will join us along the path of excellence. As you change, so do others around you.
ReplyDeleteWe come across a variety of different people throughout our daily lives, some who will stay, some who come when the need something, some who pretend, some who deceive, some help, and the list goes on and on. Many feel as if they need as many friends as they can get in order to feel wanted or appreciated. Some are content with only having a few close friends. Those who "collect" friends may tend miss use and turn on the friend. The same happens with close friends. There are stories upon stories about those seeking popularity and leaving a friend behind. There are also stories of someone who tries to find the most popular or someone who makes them feel popular to be their friend. This person often forgets and ignores those who are there since day one, that is until they are kicked down from their cloud of popularity. It is times like these were we find who our true friends are or discover those who have been there since the beginning. We are all trying to figure out who we were are, especially as teens. We put ourselves in situations that do not best suit who we are. We learn from our mistakes, and these mistakes help us understand who we are and guide us closer to who will become and who we will meet. We must all take our rises and falls to heart and not ignore the relationships that caused us harm because the relations such as those guide us to who we are and what situations to avoid. Friendship are the trails and errors the we can learn from because we can never predict the future, but we can decide how we get there.
I have come across so many people who have tried to "collect" countless numbers of friends, as you've said. How true it is that these people tend to abuse these relationships. Often times, people believe that in order to gain a sense of popularity and belonging, they must first gain the satisfaction and approval of everyone they can. But the truth of the matter is that it is impossible to please everyone. So what happens then? These individuals begin to believe that there is something wrong with them, and proceed to alter themselves in order to fit the opinions of others. Again, everyone is not pleased, and it turns into a constant cycle with no sight of the desired outcome. On the other hand, one may decide that they do not wish to become widely, but truly. Ultimately, I believe that these people will be better off. When one takes the route of finding a few close friends as opposed to various acquaintances, they are allowing themselves to have the benefit of a genuine shoulder when they need it most. While it may lead to a decrease in popularity, I believe that allowing oneself to have a few close friends will ultimately lead to contentment. This is not to say, however, that one must have only three or four friends, and not acquaint with others. There is nothing wrong with being friends with people from all over, as long as one does not have the sole intention of gaining popularity.
DeleteOh yes, collecting friends. People think of it like a sport I think. All these people just lurking around trying to score their newest friends. I mean, this isn't hunting. You are not hunting your new friend. But whatever...I guess that's the way some people view it. And you also mention people learning from their mistakes. One of the big problems with our world today is that too many people do not learn from their mistakes. They keep repeating the same actions and hope for a better result. According to Albert Einstein, that is the definition of insanity. The people who are rational, and well...not insane, are the ones who will succeed in life.
DeleteI really liked how you called it "collecting friends". This is entirely true because these people really are not emotionally attached to these people. It's very frustrating when people do this and I feel bad for the friends they are collecting. These people do not even realize that they are being "collected". They become so emotionally attached to this false friend that they end up being left behind when their friend is done with them. I have been on the receiving end of some of these fake friends myself and it really does hurt when you figure out that you did not mean anything to these people at all. You put so much time and effort into their friendship only to find out that they were using you as a status symbol.
DeleteI have always believed that relationships are the single most complicated thing in the world. As we grow up, we forget what we are taught about good and bad people and the bad people seem to be the ones less likely to be spotted. I love points two and three when they talk about fake friends and how people leave you when the times get tough. When my dad left, it seemed like everybody wanted to "be there for me", but in reality, I had no one. This simply came because someone who gave me a hug and asked me if I was okay went and started telling people my parents were getting divorced a whole 2 hours after she talked to me. The trust I had for people went away for a long time because I felt as though every person who was nice to me just wanted information on what happened and I did not have the time of day to deal with their crap. I soon learned that everybody was not out to make me upset and some genuinely wanted me to be okay. This is where point 5 comes in, when they say "The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve," I learned to filter the people I wanted to kick in the face out of my life and that was the best possible thing that I could have done to help myself during a hard time. After I got rid a A LOT of people I ended up with a total of about six friends who are the only people I still talk to from Ridgway.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I feel as though relationships rely a great deal on words and how those words effect the relationships. Language is a bizarre thing because it is up to us if we want to use the words we are taught for good or evil, as well as we can use tone to deceive what our intentions are. So, sometime when we speak we do not think it through, and I for one am extremely guilty of this, and we say things that are hurtful. That sticks with a person forever. Maya Angelou once said "People may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel." I feel like sometimes we do not realize we a hurting a person when we say something, but then you just know when you see the sad look in their eyes. We must be careful and think about it before we say something that can hurt someone severely.
I agree with all of the advice given in this article, that is with the exception of point number nine. "When people get nasty with you, it is usually best to walk away." No, that is simply not an option. I feel as though if someone gets nasty with you, you have to stand up for yourself and say what you feel because no one deserves unnecessary attitude. When they are mean to you, it is your choice on whether or not you want to make them remember you as someone who can be walked all over or as someone who fought back. If you let a person take advantage of you for too long, you can never reverse it.
My favorite part of this article is the last point about resentment. I know I regret a lot of things that I have done in my life, but by living in the past and hating people that hurt you there is no room to grow and move on. No matter what happened to a person, there is always a reason for it and I firmly believe in God's plan for each and every one of us. It is just our choice on how to accept it.
I agree with your points about not walking away from the person who is putting you down. I learned that you have to stand up for yourself and take a stand. You can't just walk away from the situation and think it'll change. I learned this from expirence. I was bulled in middle school for being to nice to everyone. I was bullied by who I thought were my best friends. They told all of my darkest secrets. I didn't fight fire with Fire when I should have. I sat down and watched my friends bully me to the point of no one wanted to be my friend. It then took a group of my closest guy friends to make them stop what they were doing to me. I will always consider them my clostest friends becuase they ended what I couldnt. Walking away was not the solution to the problem and now I know I need to stand up for myself and fire right back.
DeleteEveryone we encounter makes an appearance in our life for a reason, no matter how brief the encounter is. Some people teach us how to treat others, others give us the equally important lesson of how not to treat others. A person who has been in your life for a mere year can still be a better friend than someone who has been around for ten years. All that matters is how they treat you and make you feel.
ReplyDeleteReal friends are the people who celebrate your success with you as if it was their own and cry with you as if your pain was theirs. Not too long ago, I remember laying on my couch in my living room upset. When my dad came home he saw me and sat by me. When he asked me what was wrong, I told him I did not feel as if I had a lot of friends. To that, my dad told me that no one really has a lot of friends. If they do, many of them are not worth having. The important thing is not to have a lot of friends, but a few really good friends who have your back when you need them.
Every great relationship life throws at you needs to be appreciated in a way that leaves the person with no doubt of their value. If you truly love someone, you do not want them to doubt their meaning to you or question their value. One time my aunt said to me, "Lauren, you have to teach people how to treat you. You know how you do that? You leave. You show them I'm better than the way you treat me." I still always think of they conversation when it comes to boyfriends or friendships. Every moment is too precious to waste and no one deserves to be unappreciated. When my life flashes before my eyes and I have my last breathe, I do not want to regret any moments being unappreciated. I want to look back and think I had the best life I possibly could with the best people to enhance my experience.
If I had to describe how I felt about relationships, I would describe them by quoting my favorite poet, Warsan Shire. In her poem "For Women Who Are Difficult to Love," Warsan says, "You can't make homes out of human beings. Someone should have already told you that. And if he wants to leave then let him leave. You are terrifying and strange and beautiful, something not everyone knows how to love." To me, that is the most important thing to keep in mind. You can love someone as much as you possibly can, but that is not enough to make someone feel the same or stay. That is why human beings are not great homes. Homes are destroyed by tragic disasters such as tornados, hurricanes, floods, or volcano eruptions, but homes of human beings are destroyed by a switch of feelings or perspective on life. Rebuilding a material home, although expensive, is perhaps a much easier task than rebuilding a home you psychologically made in a human, because how are you suppose to rebuild yourself if you have no idea who you are without that person? You could be the most delicious chocolate pudding in the world, but there will always be the person who wants vanilla. Nothing in life is a guarantee.
Just because a relationship ends does NOT mean it can just be categorized as a failure. Each relationship teaches us a valuable lesson about ourselves and who we want to be. Being treated wrong shows us how wonderful it is to be treated right. Contrary to many people's beliefs when they are being hurt and berated in a relationship, you do not hurt the ones you love. Instead you do anything possible to help them reach for the success they are striving for and anything to see them well, happy, and satisfied.
DeleteRelationships are a priceless opportunity we are given in our lives here in Earth. We need to make the most out of it and do what it takes to maximize the love and reduce the negativity. Leaving people may seem cruel and hard, but it is harder and worse to stick around with someone who does not treat you like you are worth their time. Friends are hard to come by, but if you have a few good friends, or even just one, that is enough to be the happiest person alive. Relationships end, so we must never underestimate our own value to try and make it a shared value. We are our own people all worthy of being loved.
It is probably true that many people who believe that they have many friends truly do not - not many that are genuine anyways. As sad as it is, there are so many people who are not loyal to their friendships, especially these days. Someone may believe that another person is one of their closest friends, but there is a high likelihood that that "friend" has back-stabbed them at some point. I have witnessed this personally when observing friendships among my classmates. There are so many people who claim to be best friends, and then, at the first opportunity they get, these people proceed to talk derogatorily about one another. So can these people really be considered "friends?" They are not by my definition. The saddest part is, even when other people acknowledge this disloyalty, the people in the unhealthy relationship disregard this warning simply because they do not want to lose the friendship. So these people will go on carrying out this false façade, even when others know the truth. I do not think I will ever truly understand the reasoning behind this, but it is disheartening regardless.
Delete(I will use the term “them” a lot. Most people know who “they” are)
ReplyDeleteSo…this article is very interesting to me. I know throughout my life I have been used. I must say, it really does not feel good to know you are being used. I would like to think I am very good in the area of math and science. If anybody feels they can refute this, I will certainly listen to your evidence. But anyway, I help lots of students with their math and science homework. When I help them, they say things like, “Oh Gizzard, you’re my only hope at passing this class.” “If I do good on this homework, you’ll literally be my best friend” and “Gizmo, I just wish I could pass classes with ease like you do.” First of all, I don’t pass classes with ease. It takes lots of work. So I find that to be offensive that people do not recognize all the work I put in. Secondly, all their statements saying that they’ll be my best friend I usually just ignore. I know they really do not like me, and they just want me to help them, which I am usually happy to do. But what I do not appreciate is when I help them, and then literally ten minutes after I am done teaching them, they start talking crap about me. But then to top it off, the next day they expect me to help them again. Just…they need to decide whether they like me, or whether they hate me. I don’t know, maybe I am overreacting, but I guess that’s the way I feel about all these things.
I look at point #9 with lots of interest. Like I said, I get treated like crap a lot. But usually I stick around to listen. I do not know why, I just always feel like I have a responsibility to know what they say. But I always feel so much worse after hearing what they have to say. I guess it just brings me down. I always want to be liked by everyone. I recognize that is not going to happen at all. But maybe I need to start just walking away, instead of sticking around.
Point #12 is also very interesting to me. As everyone most likely remembers, I used to resent everyone. I didn’t think I needed to talk to anyone, because all they would do is just bring me down. They never really had anything good to say to me, so I didn’t want to talk to any of them. But really, I only hurt myself. I got so convinced that everyone hated me, it just ate me from the inside out. I knew it was not good. So I started to open up to people. I guess that may have been one of the best decisions of my life. I have made lots of really good friends over these last three years, and I am very thankful for each and every one of them.
I laugh when I look at point #5. I know this is very true. I used to hang out with “them” but now I have moved on and I must say, my life is so much better as a result. I do not really have a reason why, just I think all the negativity that left my life was very good for me. I needed that to happen.
So…I guess in conclusion, I found this article to be very interesting. I know I implemented lots of these points into my life well before I read this. And my life has improved as a result of implementing these changes. I could probably improve in many other areas of my life. But…I guess I will have to consider doing that. So I guess that is it.
Nick, I can agree with you on the point of not wanting to deal with others because they brought you down. I went through this myself when I entered high school. So many of my "friends" and the people around me were bringing me down that I did not want to talk to anyone. Why would I? I was so angry at everyone that I ignored the good people around me. I lost so much valuable time and memories that I could have had with these people that actually were good to me. I agree that many people do this and have the same feelings. After a while I think that most people do realize that this is not good. No one can just stay completely to themselves. We have to have trust others and open up so that we can fully experience and learn from other people.
DeleteNick, I could not agree with you more when you said some people only come around when the need something. Many only find the need to talk to a person because they need answers to homework or need you to do something for them. It is quite a shame as this happens to many people. As I was reading the blogs I found this similar topic. It is a shame when thinking about people only talking people because they want something. These people consider you as their friend to your face, but when they leave and talk to others they just completely talk smack about you. I find it very difficult to understand.
DeleteThis article about relationships has really made me think about my relationships. I try to ignore all of the bad things in all of my relationships with my friends, and focus on the good things that happen. Whenever anything happened between my friends and I, I would always just push it off and ignore it, even though that it made me feel horrible inside. For example, I recently had a disagreement with one of my friends, and we got into this huge fight. I did not speak to her for a while, but after a while, I could not do it anymore. I apologized to her, even though I did not want to. Another example of this article that I have done in the past, and probably still do is let people treat me however they want to treat me. People use me sometimes so that I will do a drawing for them. They would pretend to be my friends until I made them a drawing, but my real friends realized how the others were treating me, but I still would do a drawing for them anyways. After I would give them a drawing, they would just go back to their normal lives and never speak to me again. Another way that I let people push me around would be after someone would say something bad about me. I would always say to myself "don't worry, they are just being jerks." I constantly would say that to myself in order to push off the topic at hand. I never wanted to face the reality that they really were being jerks and it was time for me to face up to them. Almost everyone in the entire school knows that I have this obsession with Disney, and last year, a lot of people decided to start making fun of me for it. My friends would always tell me to ignore the people who were making fun of me, but whenever they seemed to go away, there they would be, making fun of me again. They were treating me like that because I let them treat me like that. After a while of trying to ignore the people who were making fun of me, the harassment got really bad so one of my great friends stood up for me and pretty much told all of the "jerks" to "shut up." Then she told me to "back sas" them in the most hilarious way. Of course I did not do it because that would have gotten me in trouble for one, and it also probably would have just make them have another reason to make fun of me more. This is what true friends do. They stand up for you. They stick with you when no one else will. They help you. Most of all, friends never truly leave you.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with you when you say real friends stick up for you. It is one of the most imperative traits for a friend to be loyal. It is very disheartening when friends allow others to berate their friends, especially when they know it is hurting their friend. It is also very disgusting to watch people use other people for such reasons. Kudos to you, RaeAnn for being the bigger person and not allowing negativity to bring you down to their level. Those who pick on others for such petty reasons as liking Disney must not have anything else to worry about. I know many adults and teenagers who love Disney. I am guilty of being obsessed with Cinderella.
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